reflections on a Christian life

Once again I found myself sitting in the back of the high school Sunday School room biting my tongue as the youth pastor dispensed half-baked ideas regarding spiritual maturity.   The gist of the assessment he was passing on to the group was that they were generally pretty mature and will be able to handle temptation without significant difficulty.  Maybe he was trying to encourage the group that they were on a good path, but my fear was that he was at risk of setting them up for mediocrity in development and confusion regarding their inability to sustain victory in their moral life.

One of the most distinguishing marks I’ve observed in those who I’ve considered more mature in Christ is a healthy sense of humility which does not presume to be beyond the dangers of sin.  What might be interpreted as self-depreciating modesty is really a deep

awareness of their capacity for sin and their daily dependence on Christ’s power and forgiveness.  Christ used a parable of two debtors to illustrate the degree of gratitude for forgiveness of the loan is proportionate to the size of the debt.  By extension, the Pharisees, considering themselves to be good keepers of the law, had less gratitude than the harlot when being extended forgiveness.  The irony is that we would be so foolish as to grade our need of forgiveness relative to each other at all.  It is a loser’s consolation assessed with no ability to see the depth of need.

Michael Mangis wrote a book called “Signature Sins”.  In it he takes the historical Seven Deadly Sins and explores how we often have particular ones which we engage in more than others as part of our “coping structure” to order our world and survive in our own strength.  If you approach this as you would an exercise in discovering your spiritual gifts you might be able to work the formula, identify and cage your demon and elicit sympathy from friends when it raises it’s head.  I found it to be a dark introspection into how the sins to varying degrees have controlled me and defined me and my response to circumstances and people.

The one that is particularly powerful with me is Envy.  My constant tendency has been to evaluate my status relative to others and to desire to be positioned ahead of them- no matter what the metric.   My ability to rejoice with others and even mourn with others has a ball and chain dragging it down – and its name is envy.  If a friend has a new car, I am jealous it is better than mine; if he finds new job after a period of unemployment, I hope he earns less than me; if he is experiencing affliction, I hope mine is greater and if his expression of trust in God is inspiring, I want mine to be more profound.  In measuring happiness I want to experience just a little better, in measuring pain, I want to know mine is greater- whatever the metric is, I want to be further on the scale.  Pretty twisted, huh?

Sometimes we take solace in thinking that we are particularly afflicted like no other before us (except we all pay homage to Job a number 1).  That is a convenient ploy – in allowing God more time to work on us due to our uniquely powerful sin and contributing circumstances, we mask our true desire to feed and find identity in our special victim status.

It was helpful for me to read Thomas a’ Kempis’s, “Imitation of Christ”.  The15th century monk discussed his daily battles with pride, jealousy and other temptations as he lived out his simple monastic life in a way that reminded me that there is no human sanctuary on this earth.  I need to be freed daily from the pull of sin by being reminded of my freedom in Christ, my forgiveness in Christ and his goodness and riches which overwhelm any “good” or “bad” experience or material gain or loss to be had on this earth.  When I live in that reality, I am able to genuinely express joy or sorrow with a brother or sister, without the corruption of envy.  That’s not me in my strength- it is Christ in me.

The Apostle Peter is often seen as the bumbling disciple who overreaches only to be humbled time and again.  Yet I’ve learned to see him more as the one who desires to follow Christ fully, experiences the limitations of human effort and recommits himself to dependence on Christ.  Rather than the youth pastor pumping up the class to move out into their schools and on to college in confidence, I was thinking they would benefit from reflecting on Peter’s adventure out of the boat- He was fine when he fixed his eyes on Christ, but when he ventured to handle it on his own, he quickly sank.  There was no inner faith or strength which he could muster to do it- he needed Christ.

Whether you see a particular sin as “signature” or not isn’t as important as the daily recognition that sin is strong and we will not be successful in our attempts to “manage it”.  With Christ we have both forgiveness and power to overcome sin and replace it with his joy and victory.